FOAAS

Fuck Off As A Service

v1.1.0

Introduction

FOAAS (Fuck Off As A Service) provides a modern, RESTful, scalable solution to the common problem of telling people to fuck off.

API

Content Negotiation

FOAAS will respond to the following 'Accept:' values with appropriate content

Operations

Path Description
/version Will return content with the current FOAAS version number.
/operations Will return a JSON list of operations with names and fields. Note: JSON Only
/off/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck off, :name. - :from', e.g. /off/Tom/Chris will return 'Fuck off, Tom - Chris'
/ing/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fucking fuck off, :name. - :from', e.g. /ing/Tom/Chris will return 'Fucking fuck off, Tom - Chris'
/you/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck you, :name. - :from', e.g. /you/Tom/Chris will return 'Fuck you, Tom - Chris'
/this/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck this - :from', e.g. /this/Chris will return 'Fuck this. - Chris'
/that/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck that. - :from', e.g. /that/Chris will return 'Fuck that. - Chris'
/everything/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck everything. - :from', e.g. /everything/Chris will return 'Fuck everything. - Chris'
/everyone/:from Will return content of the form 'Everyone can go and fuck off. - :name', e.g. /everyone/Tom will return 'Everyone can go and fuck off. - Tom'
/donut/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. - :from', e.g. /donut/Tom/Chris will return 'Tom, go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. - Chris'
/shakespeare/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! - :from', e.g. /shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry will return 'Falstaff, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! - Prince Henry
/linus/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, there aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap. - :from'. e.g. /linus/Tom/Chris
/king/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Oh fuck off, just really fuck off you total dickface. Christ :name, you are fucking thick. - :from'. e.g. /king/Tom/Chris
/pink/:from Will return content of the form 'Well, Fuck me pink. - :from'. e.g. /pink/Tom
/life/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck my life. - :from', e.g. /life/Phil will return 'Fuck my life. - Phil'.
/chainsaw/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, :name. Do I look like Mother Teresa? - :from', e.g. /chainsaw/Chris/Heather will return 'Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Chris. Do I look like Mother Teresa? - Heather'.
/outside/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself? - :from', e.g. /outside/BigBrother/TheWorld will return 'BigBrother, why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself? - TheWorld'.
/:thing/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck :thing. - :from', e.g. /pineapples/%E2%99%A5%20Chris will return 'Fuck pineapples. - ♥ Chris'
/thanks/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck you very much. - :from'.
/flying/:from Will return content of the form 'I don't give a flying fuck. - :from'. e.g. /flying/batman
/fascinating/:from Will return content of the form 'Fascinating story, in what chapter do you shut the fuck up? - :from'.
/madison/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard, :name. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points :name, and may God have mercy on your soul. - :from'
/cool/:from 'Cool story, bro - :from'
/field/:name/:from/:reference Will return content of the form 'And :name said unto :from, "Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I grow my fucks", and :from gave witness unto the field, and saw that it was barren. - :reference'
/nugget/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Well :name, aren't you a shining example of a rancid fuck-nugget. - :from'
/yoda/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck off, you must, :name. - :from'.
/ballmer/:name/:company/:from Will return content of the form 'Fucking :name is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill :company. - :from'
/what/:from Will return content of the form 'What the fuck?!. - :from".
/because/:from Will return content of the form 'Why? Because Fuck you, that's why. - :from'.
/caniuse/:tool/:from Will return content of the form 'Can you use :tool? Fuck no! - :from'.
/bye/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuckity bye! - :from'.
/diabetes/:from Will return content of the form 'I'd love to stop and chat to you but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes. - :from'.
/bus/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Christ on a bendy-bus, :name, don't be such a fucking faff-arse. - :from'.
/xmas/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Merry Fucking Christmas, :name. - :from'.
/bday/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Happy Fucking Birthday, :name. - :from'.
/awesome/:from Will return content of the form 'This is Fucking Awesome. - :from', , e.g. /awesome/Macklemore will return 'This is Fucking Awesome. - Macklemore'
/tucker/:from Will return content of the form 'Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off. - :from', e.g. /tucker/Malcolm%20Tucker will return 'Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off. - Malcolm Tucker'
/bucket/:from Will return content of the form 'Please choke on a bucket of cocks. - :from'.
/family/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck you, your whole family, your pets, and your feces. - :from'.
/shutup/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, shut the fuck up. - :from'.
/zayn/:from Will return content of the form 'Ask me if I give a motherfuck ?!! - :from'.
/keepcalm/:reaction/:from Will return content of the form 'Keep the fuck calm and :reaction! - :from'.
/dosomething/:do/:something/:from Will return content of the form ':do the fucking :something! - :from'.
/mornin/:from Will return content of the form "Happy fuckin' Mornin'! - :from".
/thumbs/:subject/:from Will return content of the form 'Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a fuck? :subject. - :from', e.g. /thumbs/This%20Guy/Kob%20Belso will return 'Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a fuck? This Guy. - Kob Belso'
/retard/:from Will return content of the form 'You Fucktard! - :from'.
/greed/:noun/:from Will return content of the form 'The point is, ladies and gentleman, that :noun -- for lack of a better word -- is good. :noun is right. :noun works. :noun clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. :noun, in all of its forms -- :noun for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of mankind' - :from.
/bm/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Bravo mike, :name. - :from', e.g. /bm/Private/Sergeant%20Smith will return 'Bravo mike, Private. - Sergeant Smith'
/gfy/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Golf foxtrot yankee, :name. - :from', e.g. /gfy/Private/Sergeant%20Smith will return 'Golf foxtrot yankee, Private. - Sergeant Smith'
/me/:from Will return content of the form "Fuck me. - :from".
/back/:name/:from Will return content of the form ":name, back the fuck off. - :from".
/think/:name/:from Will return content of the form ":name, you think I give a fuck? - :from".
/keep/:name/:from Will return content of the form ":name: Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off from there too. Then fuck off some more. Keep fucking off until you get back here. Then fuck off again. - :from".
/single/:from Will return content of the form "Not a single fuck was given. - :from".
/look/:name/:from Will return content of the form ":name, do I look like I give a fuck? - :from".
/thinking/:name/:from Will return content of the form ":name, what the fuck where you actually thinking? - :from".
/looking/:from Will return content of the form "Looking for a fuck to give. - :from".
/no/:from Will return content of the form "No fucks given. - :from".
/give/:from Will return content of the form "I give zero fucks. - :from".
/zero/:from Zero, thats the number of fucks I give. - :from".
/pulp/:language/:from Will return content of the form ":language, motherfucker, do you speak it? - :from".
/sake/:from Will return content of the form "For Fuck's sake! - :from".
/anyway/:company/:from Will return content of the form 'Who the fuck are you anyway, :company, why are you stirring up so much trouble, and, who pays you? - :from.', e.g. /anyway/EFF/John will return 'Who the fuck are you anyway, EFF, why are you stirring up so much trouble, and, who pays you? - John.'
/maybe/:from Will return content of the form 'Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. - :from'.
/blackadder/:name/:from Will return content of the form ':name, your head is as empty as a eunuch’s underpants. Fuck off! - :from.'
/horse/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. - :from.'
/deraadt/:name/:from Will return content of the form '{name} you are being the usual slimy hypocritical asshole... You may have had value ten years ago, but people will see that you don't anymore. - :from.'
/problem/:name/:from Will return content of the form "What the fuck is you problem :name? - :from
/cocksplat/:name/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck off :name, you worthless cocksplat. - :from'.
/too/:from Will return content of the form "Thanks, fuck you too. - :from".

Filters

Filters are optional output modifiers, and are specified by adding the filter name as query to the HTTP request, e.g. http://foaas.com/off/Tom/Everyone?shoutcloud

Name Description
shoutcloud Integration with the ShoutCloud service. Please see shoutcloud.io for details.
i18n Translation provided by mymemory.translated.net. Specifying ?i18n on its own will attempt to detect your browser language, or you can specify the language to translate to using the ISO 639-1 language code, i.e. ?i18n=es

Filters can be used in combinations, e.g. http://foaas.com/off/Tom/Everyone?shoutcloud&i18n=de

Roadmap

FOAAS will be extended to include the following functionality:

All contributions are very welcome.

Follow @foaas on twitter!

Fork me on github

Created by @TomDionysus

Maintained with loving Profanity by @philip2156, @chris_beckett